Introduction
We know that dating is a minefield. The whole point of the first date is to get to know someone else, but there are so many ways of doing that wrong! Sometimes, you don’t even know you’re making a mistake at all until it’s too late and your date has run off in horror. These are some of the most common mistakes people make on first dates—and how to avoid them:
Flirting with your phone
Flirting with your phone is not cute. You don’t have to be glued to it, but if you’re looking at it in a way that suggests you’re waiting for something or feeling antsy, it’s distracting and weird.
You shouldn’t be answering calls or texts during the date, even if they’re from an emergency contact or something. If there’s an actual emergency, it will wait until after dinner—and even then, there might still be time for a quick “I’ll call you back!” before going into crisis mode.
You probably shouldn’t tell the person sitting across from you all about your ex either, especially if they aren’t interested in hearing about your past relationships (or maybe because they are…). But hey! This isn’t just about what other people do wrong; here are some things we suggest avoiding:
When someone asks how many kids I want someday (this one has been asked by several different people), I usually respond “one!” Then I ask them how many kids they think would make me happy—and this works well enough most of the time!
Comparing him to your ex
No one wants to hear you compare your date to your ex. It’s not going to make either of you feel great, and it won’t make the other person feel good either.
The same goes for comparing him to anyone else—he’s not your friend, he’s not a celebrity or a fictional character, so there’s no need to do that. If he asks about your last boyfriend (or girlfriend), just tell him what happened: “We broke up because we didn’t have enough in common.” You can also bring up your exes on occasion but only if they’re relevant: “I know what it feels like when someone doesn’t return my text messages.”
Don’t worry about comparing yourself too much either because chances are that nobody else thinks about themselves as much as you do!
Not being honest
It’s important to be honest on a first date. Don’t lie about your job, your age, or your relationship status. If you’re dating multiple people and don’t want to tell them about each other (or even if it’s just one person), that’s okay—but don’t pretend you’re single when you really aren’t. That’ll only get messy later when they find out the truth!
It’s also a good idea not to pretend that something interests you more than it does. For example, when someone says “Let me take care of dinner tonight,” make sure they know how much pizza costs before agreeing—just because someone offers doesn’t mean it’s mandatory for their offer to be taken up on!
And finally: don’t fake being interested in things just because the other person is interested in them! You need someone who can see past all this facade so there will be no surprises later down the line when something comes up unexpectedly during an argument about what kind of movies should play next time Netflix has been used too many times already…
Being too aggressive
- Be assertive, not aggressive. There’s a difference between being assertive and being aggressive, and it’s important to be aware of this distinction. Being too pushy or controlling can make you seem rude, overbearing and intimidating. You might be able to get away with being a little more assertive in your career than on a first date—but don’t go overboard!
- Don’t try to control everything. Letting someone else take the lead from time to time is an excellent way to let them feel comfortable enough with you that they’re ready for more intimate conversation later on in the evening (or even beyond).
Only talking about yourself
It’s true that talking about yourself is not a bad thing. Talking about yourself can be an important way of establishing who you are and what you want, and it can also help to keep the conversation going if you’re struggling to think of things to say. But there’s a difference between sharing information and simply dominating the conversation.
Talking too much about yourself does not mean just bragging about your accomplishments or pitching ideas for future projects. It also means talking only in generalities: “I’m really interested in psychology,” or “I really like rock music.” When we talk this way, we risk being perceived as self-centered or presumptuous—and it’s easy for people to tell when we’re exaggerating (or lying) rather than just describing ourselves honestly.
Talking too much and not listening enough
The first date is the perfect time to get to know each other. However, there are some people who do not take advantage of this opportunity and end up making mistakes that could jeopardize their chance at a second date.
One of these mistakes is talking too much and not listening enough. You may think that it’s a good idea to share all your stories with your date, but if you only speak and never take the time to listen, she will feel like her words are falling on deaf ears and she won’t feel comfortable opening up to you again in future dates.
Another thing you should avoid doing is interrupting your date when she is speaking or asking questions about herself because this will make her feel like you are more interested in yourself than anything else and don’t want to hear what she has to say about her life or interests.
Not taking care of your hygiene
While you may be nervous and unsure of what to expect, your date is expecting you to be clean. Here’s a checklist of things that will help you smell good and look good:
- Shower! Take a shower before your first date. If you don’t have time for a full-on shower, at least wash your face and brush your teeth so that you don’t reek of dirt or sleepiness.
- Wear deodorant! You want to smell like an actual human being, not like garbage. If the thought of wearing deodorant makes you cringe because it “feels” sticky or uncomfortable under clothes—well, maybe that’s why some people are so hesitant about wearing them in public (and thus risking smelling bad). But I promise that once it dries down after application, there’s no difference between having applied deodorant versus not having applied any at all—you can’t even feel a thing once they’re on! And if anything feels weird while putting it on? Just make sure it’s not too hot today…
Try out those tips when going on dates this month and see how much closer they get you towards finding love with someone great!
Drinking too much and being sloppy
Whether you’re a wine or beer person, drinking too much can ruin your chances. Being sloppy isn’t attractive and it’s not very sexy either. Drinking too much can lead to bad decisions, bad breath and even worse judgment!
Being too self-conscious
- Don’t be afraid to just be yourself.
- Don’t be afraid to show your personality and be silly from time to time. The best thing about first dates is that you don’t really know each other, so there’s no reason for you not to show your sense of humor and personality! Showing a sense of humor will help you bond with your date, especially if they have the same sense of humor as yours!
- Be vulnerable: If you are feeling nervous or awkward, let them know! It’s okay to be vulnerable and say things like “I’m sorry but I’m a little nervous” or “This feels like a first date.” Being vulnerable shows them that you’re human too—and hey, maybe they’ll even feel the same way too!
Some mistakes are obvious, some less so. But if you work on your conversation skills, you can avoid all of them.
Some mistakes are obvious, some less so. But if you work on your conversation skills, you can avoid all of them.
Don’t be too stubborn: If your date is being a little rude or sharing things that make you feel uncomfortable, don’t let it go unchecked. Say something about it—politely! It’s probably better for everyone involved if you say something right away instead of letting it fester and then exploding at the end of the night when they’re getting an Uber home alone in the dark (and drunk). Here are some examples:
“You know what? That thing you just said was kind of rude.”
“I’m sorry but I don’t feel comfortable talking about X topic on our first date.”
Conclusion
In the end, if you can learn from these mistakes and avoid them, you’ll be on your way to a great first date. And remember that it’s not just about avoiding mistakes—it’s also about learning how to make an impression with your personality and passions in a positive way. If you take care of these things before even getting out of bed in the morning, then everything else will fall into place!
